Satire - In case you missed the meanings of some of the year's key terms, Denis Welch explains everything from 'Bennetticiary' to 'rock star economy'.
Affordable housing is an ever-shifting mirage. Photo: 123rf.com
Affordable housing: Ever-shifting mirage that recedes the closer you get to it; in some eastern religions, the 19th stage of nirvana, attainable only by God knows who.
Andrewgynous: Politically indeterminate - neither one thing nor the other. Sometimes to the left, sometimes to the right, sometimes in the centre. Sometimes all three at once.
Bennetticiary: One who climbs a ladder provided by the state and then lops off every second rung to make it harder for others to climb.
Citizen: An outmoded term for consumer. See also You.
Child poverty: A unique form of deprivation whereby parents don't need help while their kids go to school with no shoes.
Diptomaniac: A compassionate conservative indistinguishable from a neoliberal ideologue; a sensible Southlander gone rogue.
Environment: Land suitable for conversion to dairying.
Free trade: Method of paying less for labour by transferring production to poorer countries. See also Teepeepee.
Green: A soothing shade of grey. Blends inoffensively with the background.
Harrepatetic: Descriptive of one who darts impulsively from place to place and ends up going round in a circle.
Homelessness is sought by free spirits. Photo: AFP
Homelessness: A form of temporary accommodation eagerly sought by free spirits wishing to feel untrammelled by four walls and a roof.
Immigration: Type of economic addiction to which growth-hooked governments are enslaved.
Judith Iscariot: A devoted disciple indistinguishable from a raging inferno.
Kim Dotcom is an obscure historical figure. Photo: RNZ / Kim Baker WIlson
Kim Dotcom: Obscure historical figure, long forgotten now, who may have been either the inventor of wheeled luggage or Queen Victoria's consort.
Kingitango: Elaborate dance choreographed by Tukuroirangi Morgan. Not to be confused with Game of Thrones.
Labour: Hard work.
Morgan donor: Dedicated supporter of the Opportunities Party.
National Standards: Method of extracting data from children's minds; not to be confused with education.
Operational matter: Anything anyone in authority is too embarrassed to talk about.
Public Joyce theory: The view that any given series of interactions by self-interested agents (eg, voters, politicians, businessmen) will end up bearing a remarkable similarity to what the government has already decided.
Pompadunne: Extravagant hairstyle; more hair than one head could reasonably be expected to have.
Question: When exactly was it that poverty and homelessness became acceptable in New Zealand? Date and time, please.
Rock star economy: A myth subscribed to by simple peoples of the South Pacific who sacrifice to the odds and believe in God the Data, God the Spin and God the Holy Growth.
Homer Simpson, left, is a populist candidate thought to be running for the US presidency in 2020. Photo: Screenshot / Animation on FOX / YouTube
Simpson, Homer: Populist candidate rumoured to be planning a run for the US presidency in 2020.
Teepeepee: A wobbly wigwam; a collapsed tent; a makeshift structure incapable of holding together.
Tweety of Waitangi: 140-character version of nation's founding document.
Uh…what? You're not going to 'get the boys out' after all? But you said…
Vulnerable Children, Ministry of: A once-in-a-generation chance to put the mistakes of the past behind us and make a whole bunch of fresh mistakes.
The Walking Debt: Gripping series in which zombie homeowners crippled by mortgage repayments stagger from day to day seeking fresh sources of finance. Warning: contains disturbing scenes of bank profit margins.
X-ray vision: Extraordinary far-seeing power possessed only by Superman and Steven Joyce.
You: A consumer; a target market; an algorithm on legs.
Zoo: Place where animals can safely marvel at human behaviour.
