The wife of Dr Amjad Hamid, a cardiologist who had worked at Christchurch hospital for 20 years, still doesn't know if her husband is one of the deceased victims of the Christchurch terror attack.
Watch Lisa Owen's full interview with Hanan Al Adem here:
Hanan Al Adem was on a flight back to Christchurch from Melbourne when she learned of the attack on Friday 15 March.
She told Checkpoint she still doesn't know if he's one of the deceased victims and is struggling to come to terms with it.
"The uncertainty is horrible. I still can't believe what had happened, I still can't believe he's gone.
"I heard about the four critical cases at the ICU and I thought that they were unidentified, and I had hope.
"Even if he's seriously injured, I hoped (he was injured, not killed) but I asked my victim support policeman and he said that those critically injured cases were identified... It's hard, I had hope, but I don't think he's alive.
"The whole process, it's telling me that he's not here, he's not with us, he's not alive."
Dr Hamid, 57, worked for the Canterbury and District Health Board, based in Christchurch and Hawera in South Taranaki.
Hanan Al Adem said her husband was known as 'The Saint' because of his good will.
"He was the perfect man, it's a big loss."