21 Aug 2017

How to dig yourself a hole - with Gareth Morgan

11:12 am on 21 August 2017

It’s a metaphor, people!


No caption

Photo: Unknown

In an incident reminiscent of an earlier Twitter scuffle in which known cat-hater and The Opportunities Party leader Gareth Morgan spent many hours arguing with strangers about whether the phrase “only whores will do anything for money” is chill or not, the controversial rich lister has once again ruffled the feathers of prickly liberals everywhere by comparing Labour Leader Jacinda Ardern to a pig wearing lipstick.

Never one to back down from a fight, Morgan has stuck around to defend himself since he tweeted the comment at around 8:30 on Sunday night, going head-to-head with the many, many people who pointed out that "lipstick on a pig" is a pretty loaded way to describe a female party leader.

However, you may feel about this political powwow though, what I think we can all agree on is that Gareth is digging a hole the likes of which are rarely seen on our peaceful shores. And so without further ado, we present: how to dig yourself a hole - with Gareth Morgan.


Tweet something dumb

This can be anything, but the truly dedicated hole-digger will go for something that could equally be seen as harmlessly benign or shockingly loaded, depending on the eye of the beholder. In this instance, Mr Morgan chose to reply to a follower with a classic yet controversial turn-of-phrase that has in the past been used to similarly suss effect by the likes of Barack Obama, John McCain and Dick Cheney.

Set about trying to explain said tweet

Don’t you get it? It’s a metaphor, people!


Go back to trying to explain the original tweet

Back to the pig. Do these people realise there is no literal pig?

Get mad about people being oversensitive while refusing to consider the subtext of the tweet

Did you know the word "hysteria" originates from the Greek word for uterus, hystera?

Finish things off with a photo and caption combo that all at once doubles down on your original tweet, clarifies your point and makes everything far worse.

Good thing he had a stick of lipstick and the world’s ugliest Toby Jug laying around.