28 Nov 2017

Which Kiwis will be invited to the Royal Wedding?

12:53 pm on 28 November 2017

As Prince Harry and Meghan Markle celebrate their engagement, New Zealand asks: what about us?


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Photo: AFP

It’s official: Furtive love birds Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are to be wed!

Announced today by Harry’s father (or is he???) Prince Charles, the engagement may not come as a surprise to those of us who have spent the last year-and-a-half watching The Daily Mail steadily lose their damn minds but is still a very nice thing to happen indeed because, no matter how you feel about the colonial class goblins royal family, weddings are cool.

Of course, the question on everybody’s lips is: where does this leave us, the plucky underdog of the Commonwealth, New Zealand? Who will represent our tiny, trifling country at the wedding to end all weddings?


With an exciting precedent set by John and Bronagh Key’s attendance at William and Kate’s 2011 wedding, we can but hope that a similar invitation will be extended to Jacinda Ardern and Clarke Gayford, which thanks to my overidentification complex is basically the same as me going and WE WOULD LOVE TO COME THANK YOU.

Which of our compatriots will be coming with us? Some possibilities:

Sir Richie McCaw - Invited by Willy and Kate, Sir Richie DECLINED in 2011 due to “rugby commitments”. Will he redeem himself this year?

Lorde - she famously expressed her disdain for ‘Royals’, but has Markle’s unlikely leap from commoner to commonwealth changed her tune?

Matilda Rice and Art Green - With the prince and princess of Paleo gearing up for New Zealand’s own Royal wedding, what better way to get inspiration?

Max Key - New Zealand’s own former enfant terrible first son and much-admired DJ would no doubt love to go and see his UK counterpart finally settle down!

KJ Apa - a hot young star and fellow inexplicable red-head, KJ can borrow Jughead’s stupid little crown hat for the occasion.

That guy who played William in the much-loved TV movie about William and Kate’s relationship William and Kate - surely a favourite Friday night flick for all the royal family, it would surely be rude of Harry not to invite Nico Evers-Swindell, the Kiwi who brought his brother to life.

Winston Peters – Hey, they don’t call him the Kingmaker for nothing.

With the nuptials set to take place in the 2018 (British) spring, we can but wait and see who among us might get to rub shoulders with OBAMA (!). In the meantime, keep checking your letterboxes fellow patriots.