When mental health advocate Jazz Thornton was her lowest ebb, a set of personalised letters written by a good friend was one of her most helpful places to turn.
Her new book Letters to You is based on the advice in those letters and offers support and inspiration for people struggling with depression and anxiety - and those who love them.
Jazz Thornton Photo: C Maddie Graeme
Photo: Penguin Books New Zealand
- Read an extract from Letters to You - TO READ WHEN YOU ARE FEELING ANXIOUS
When Jazz "believed whole-heartedly that the world was better without me in it", the words of her friend acted as evidence that her internal reality wasn't matching the external truth.
"In that moment it's really hard to ground yourself, it's hard to remember that you're not unlovable."
Jazz's friend wrote individual letters to help her cope with specific challenges. The one titled 'To open when you're feeling suicidal' is now brown with age, she says.
Letters to You is a set of interwoven letters written by Jazz and also a doctor and a practising psychologist.
It's designed so readers can dip in and find some supportive words that match what they're feeling and help them feel less alone.
The book also includes practical tips such as powerful breathing exercises and the 5,4,3,2,1 grounding technique.
"When it comes to anxiety, our mind is travelling a million miles an hour and everything feels like it's outside of our control. Regaining control of your breath is really powerful."
Letters to You includes a chapter called 'To Read When You're a Parent' for people who want to better understand their children's mental health struggles.
Jazz often sees a generational disconnect when it comes to discussing this topic and the book can help parents proactively offer a safe space for sharing.
"I have so many conversations with kids who want to tell their parents [that they're struggling] but feel like their parents just don't understand. [I also have many] conversations with parents where they're like 'i don't know what I did wrong. Why is my kid struggling with this?"
For people who see a friend is in trouble, it's important to remember you can't be their saviour, Jazz says.
Sometimes the best thing to do is ask questions and listen.
"As much as you can, stay away from 'it'll be fine, you'll be okay' because if someone is telling you 'I'm really not okay' it just minimises everything they're feeling. Sometimes it is better to be a listening ear and just ask them - always ask the question - do you want me to just hear you and listen or do you want me to offer advice?"
Many people are afraid that by asking someone if they're having suicidal thoughts they will plant an idea in their head but this is incorrect, Jazz says. It actually gives them permission to open up.
"Asking someone if they are having suicidal thoughts will never make someone suicidal."
If you do ask someone straight-up about having suicidal thoughts, you must be prepared to follow up by directing them to professional help from Healthline or another support service, Jazz says.
When Jazz became a well-known person, she says it was at first very hard to navigate a way to address the hundreds of queries from young people seeking mental health support.
Now she has a team managing the thousands of messages she gets every day, gets regular therapy and has friends who make her take breaks from being 'Jazz the advocate'.
"What I can do is dig into my skill set, which is storytelling. I can tell people that there is hope and share skills on a wider scale."
Related stories:
- How Voices of Hope is helping young people cope (February 2021)
- Jazz Thornton confronts New Zealand's youth mental health crisis in new documentary (July 2020)
Where to get help:
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Need to Talk? Free call or text 1737 any time to speak to a trained counsellor, for any reason.
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Lifeline: 0800 543 354 or text HELP to 4357
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Suicide Crisis Helpline: 0508 828 865 / 0508 TAUTOKO (24/7). This is a service for people who may be thinking about suicide, or those who are concerned about family or friends.
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Depression Helpline: 0800 111 757 (24/7) or text 4202
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Samaritans: 0800 726 666 (24/7)
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Youthline: 0800 376 633 (24/7) or free text 234 (8am-12am), or email talk@youthline.co.nz
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What's Up: online chat (3pm-10pm) or 0800 WHATSUP / 0800 9428 787 helpline (12pm-10pm weekdays, 3pm-11pm weekends)
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Kidsline (ages 5-18): 0800 543 754 (24/7)
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Rural Support Trust Helpline: 0800 787 254
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Healthline: 0800 611 116
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Rainbow Youth: (09) 376 4155
